»And boy am I getting some “fun” opportunities to see where I still have places inside me that need my acceptance for where I am still traumatized.«
YES ~ this is what we are all getting ~ opportunities to see where we are still traumatised + to heal and accept ourselves in those aspects.
It is interesting for me to read this because THIS has been such a challenge for me as well. I can't count the times I had to revisit this place of self-criticism, self-judgment, self-torture... the place of feeling inadequate, worthless = less worthy than who or what?... Until I eventually discovered that I am literally priceless. Just like everyone else.
You are priceless because you are your unique precious human expression of life... which happens to include some dark and painful experiences.
I discovered ~ gradually ~ that the more I encourage myself to delve into those dark places with cuoreosity, the lighter and brighter they become. The deeper my understanding of life and myself. This is the opportunity I see in your spiralling moves too. It is scary. I know.
Everyone's trauma is their personal portal to the 'other side'. It's the process of giving birth to yourself 🦋
Lol - I've literally "randomly" been saying outloud the last two days, "You are special, just like everyone else"
"You are priceless because you are your unique precious human expression of life... which happens to include some dark and painful experiences.
I discovered ~ gradually ~ that the more I encourage myself to delve into those dark places with cuoreosity, the lighter and brighter they become. The deeper my understanding of life and myself. " YES
I don't know if you've seen Suzy Miller's work on autism/integration and consciousness but I used to work with her - felt my son led me to her but it became exasperating. She would give other people really great insight into their multidmensional self that was really specific - with me was just like, "You're from a distant corner of Andromeda and I can't even speak the light language from there." And: "Your pain is your portal."
I've spent a lot of time diving into my pain and to be honest, the only thing I've found it to be a portal to so far is connection with other people. When I integrate it and share it, m ability to connect with humanity is better served than when I am just full on unicorn. I would so much rather find connection in joy than through pain. But it is what it is. Divine will, not my will. But FUCK. The most recent person I've been working with, I asked her why I chose this much suffering...it's really been thing after thing. And she said I chose to dive into it to really understand humanity in its depth of suffering/compassion and to use that to help with ascension, to help show the way out of the pain and into the true joy that comes with embracing it, as you said. But the energy of feeling victimized by life can turn into an identity that gets stuck, so that is where I am working on releasing, even as I feel, constantly that more is asked of me spiritually (ostensibly by myself) than should be asked of anyone.
^ The message about bringing lightness even in the dark/to to the dark is one I've gotten twie today from people I love and trust :) Thank you! Also, I supposed it is fair to say I've alternated resisting what is, embracing it and fixing. Maybe interval training isn' best? Lol.
What is real understanding, yes that is the question. I guess I think for sure it isn't intellectual and I also think the body doesn't understand as fast as the mind and heart when it comes to trauma. The "Why does this keep happening to me" is the question...since I can see it is a pattern that I stepped into in my lineage (not talking about the silence/silencing or sexual stuff (although these are examples), rather the pattern that hurtful things happen to me when I am at my most vulnerable, when I am innocence, when I am making a sincere but not mal intended mistake, most often a small or very understandable one (to me/I think objectively, I've checked with others) one that may have large consequences - either emotionally or physically - lots of different takes on this - I thought I was over this pattern years ago - one year/18 month period I got hit by a car three times while I was stopped. One of the times I got gaslit for it very weirdly. It was an exact physically representation of the pattern. So I worked on clearing the pattern. I thought it was done. The past year years who shown me that it is not done. It's easy to want to "fix it" because in a sense I AM here to break this pattern but it's not at that level. Same thing intellectual understanding and even heart understanding, for me, can lead to compassion and forgiveness but it doesn't necessarily lead to a lack of suffering if the the suffering is somatic or psychic/energetic.
Thank you for explaining. This is helpful. No, understanding is not (just) intellectual ~ although the Intellect needs to be brought on board. And it's not (purely) somatic ~ although we want to relieve the suffering of the Body too! Of course we want to 'fix it' because that's natural human response. But it cannot be done directly. The language of 'breaking a pattern' is also a difficult one and can lead to unhelpful responses.
In my experience, there is no such thing as a 'wrong pattern'. But if a pattern is applied in the wrong context, then it becomes dysfunctional, destructive, counterproductive, harmful.
The question, "Why does this keep happening to me?" is not helpful either, because it implies victimhood. If something is 'happening to you', then you are not in charge (which may well be your emotional experience in such moments) but it's not the 'whole truth'. You are also a participant.
Try to ask instead::: "What is the role I am playing in these situations?"
See what comes up. Explore that role with genuine empathy and interest (rather than resistance)
Then you can try to explore further and ask::: "In what context would it be genuinely productive and desirable to play this role?"
The role I was play: I was stopped at a traffic light.
The other time I was stopped behind another car. The third time, similar, I forget the details. THIS IS the pattern - I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm not participating other than being human. Then bad things happen. That is is the pattern. I mean pattern as in energetic template that repeats, not behavior. This was what I experienced a child, so it keeps playing out. The identification of "Why does this keep happening to me" is the part to let go of for sure - it isn't personal. But the deep down part of me still concludes when such things repeat and repeat, there must be something wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with me, I know that - but the inner child does not, yet. It doesn't help if I berate her to stop believing that, I know. I could be kinder. Patients is a virtue I have been learning a long time and one I am still a beginner at. It's not innate to me at all.
It's more like psychic rna that is telling the universe what to do behind my back. Keeps giving me opportunities to see that nothing is personal. But I think probably just being kinder to the inner child will help.
Some other compounds (such as lectin, carrageenan, ulvans, and fucoidans from red, green, and brown algae) can act as biotherapeutic agents to prevent and cure COVID-19 [5].
Algae-Derived Bioactive Molecules for the Potential Treatment of SARS-CoV-2
Md. Asraful Alam,1 Roberto Parra-Saldivar,2 Muhammad Bilal,3 Chowdhury Alfi Afroze,4 Md. Nasir Ahmed,5 Hafiz M.N. Iqbal,2,* and Jingliang Xu1,*
Maria José Rodríguez-LagunasMalen Massot-Cladera, Academic Editor and Jesus Simal-Gandara, Academic Editor
I am so touched my post landed with you and you quoted me. Thank you. That is a lot to take in. To be worthy of quoting without ego, just gratitude that yes, the words...the time...the art matters. Because we all do that here. We offer art through words and that is a vulnerable thing to do. Like singing as you have said. I believe what we have been through gives us depth to meet others who have been affected by challenges in deep ways. It expands our bandwidth regarding what we see and understand. And it is in the past. “I survived,” are powerful words. They also mean it is over (hopefully) and here we are in this moment. This amazing moment. Taking a breath. Here. Just here. And you skating in your room without skates. Because skating without the other troubled people’s interference is freedom, joy, and flight I imagine. I never got that far. But it looks like you did. I love that you photographed yourself in a skating movement. In your room. Wow! And it can take time to change patterns. Some patterns can be so painful and frustrating. But it happens, the change. And those hands do slowly come out from behind our back sometimes and say yes to life. And another thing they learn to do is say no. Or yes to this and no to that. It is all such a process.
It's funny, I think worthiness is the at the opposite of ego. Ego is compensating for believing one is unworthy or inadequate. Worthiness doesn't compare and knows the real truth: We can neither claim "egoic" credit for anything, nor are we less worthy because of it! My kid and I were talking about ego other day, and I put it to him this way as my deepest truth: The light that births everything is the same light in all. The part of us that birthed us as being that have an ego is so connected to knowing we are all that light equally that it would be silly to feel less worthy or more worthy than any other aspect exploring its journey through form. All this to day, you have such a glorious and such heartfelt and authentic sharing...I hope you can trust your power as you walk in love and sovereignty in honor the your Truth/Divinity in/as both your human self and your unlimited Self/Selfless expression of Source/Sophia/G-d/Allah!
I feel very moved by this piece. Thank you Alicia 💖🙏 and Terra.
Unfortunately don't have time to respond in depth right now, but will be back and read this again.
We need to talk about trauma, and healing, and self-acceptance. Much love and wings for the next cycle of spiralling journeys 𓆩♡𓆪
This comment was like an angel hug when I needed it! Thank you, bright light!
»And boy am I getting some “fun” opportunities to see where I still have places inside me that need my acceptance for where I am still traumatized.«
YES ~ this is what we are all getting ~ opportunities to see where we are still traumatised + to heal and accept ourselves in those aspects.
It is interesting for me to read this because THIS has been such a challenge for me as well. I can't count the times I had to revisit this place of self-criticism, self-judgment, self-torture... the place of feeling inadequate, worthless = less worthy than who or what?... Until I eventually discovered that I am literally priceless. Just like everyone else.
You are priceless because you are your unique precious human expression of life... which happens to include some dark and painful experiences.
I discovered ~ gradually ~ that the more I encourage myself to delve into those dark places with cuoreosity, the lighter and brighter they become. The deeper my understanding of life and myself. This is the opportunity I see in your spiralling moves too. It is scary. I know.
Everyone's trauma is their personal portal to the 'other side'. It's the process of giving birth to yourself 🦋
Lol - I've literally "randomly" been saying outloud the last two days, "You are special, just like everyone else"
"You are priceless because you are your unique precious human expression of life... which happens to include some dark and painful experiences.
I discovered ~ gradually ~ that the more I encourage myself to delve into those dark places with cuoreosity, the lighter and brighter they become. The deeper my understanding of life and myself. " YES
I don't know if you've seen Suzy Miller's work on autism/integration and consciousness but I used to work with her - felt my son led me to her but it became exasperating. She would give other people really great insight into their multidmensional self that was really specific - with me was just like, "You're from a distant corner of Andromeda and I can't even speak the light language from there." And: "Your pain is your portal."
I've spent a lot of time diving into my pain and to be honest, the only thing I've found it to be a portal to so far is connection with other people. When I integrate it and share it, m ability to connect with humanity is better served than when I am just full on unicorn. I would so much rather find connection in joy than through pain. But it is what it is. Divine will, not my will. But FUCK. The most recent person I've been working with, I asked her why I chose this much suffering...it's really been thing after thing. And she said I chose to dive into it to really understand humanity in its depth of suffering/compassion and to use that to help with ascension, to help show the way out of the pain and into the true joy that comes with embracing it, as you said. But the energy of feeling victimized by life can turn into an identity that gets stuck, so that is where I am working on releasing, even as I feel, constantly that more is asked of me spiritually (ostensibly by myself) than should be asked of anyone.
^ The message about bringing lightness even in the dark/to to the dark is one I've gotten twie today from people I love and trust :) Thank you! Also, I supposed it is fair to say I've alternated resisting what is, embracing it and fixing. Maybe interval training isn' best? Lol.
In my experience, neither 'resisting' nor 'embracing and fixing' are promising strategies to relieve suffering.
"All suffering is healed by understanding," as the Buddhist's say.
I have found this to be true ~ But what is real understanding?
What is real understanding, yes that is the question. I guess I think for sure it isn't intellectual and I also think the body doesn't understand as fast as the mind and heart when it comes to trauma. The "Why does this keep happening to me" is the question...since I can see it is a pattern that I stepped into in my lineage (not talking about the silence/silencing or sexual stuff (although these are examples), rather the pattern that hurtful things happen to me when I am at my most vulnerable, when I am innocence, when I am making a sincere but not mal intended mistake, most often a small or very understandable one (to me/I think objectively, I've checked with others) one that may have large consequences - either emotionally or physically - lots of different takes on this - I thought I was over this pattern years ago - one year/18 month period I got hit by a car three times while I was stopped. One of the times I got gaslit for it very weirdly. It was an exact physically representation of the pattern. So I worked on clearing the pattern. I thought it was done. The past year years who shown me that it is not done. It's easy to want to "fix it" because in a sense I AM here to break this pattern but it's not at that level. Same thing intellectual understanding and even heart understanding, for me, can lead to compassion and forgiveness but it doesn't necessarily lead to a lack of suffering if the the suffering is somatic or psychic/energetic.
Thank you for explaining. This is helpful. No, understanding is not (just) intellectual ~ although the Intellect needs to be brought on board. And it's not (purely) somatic ~ although we want to relieve the suffering of the Body too! Of course we want to 'fix it' because that's natural human response. But it cannot be done directly. The language of 'breaking a pattern' is also a difficult one and can lead to unhelpful responses.
In my experience, there is no such thing as a 'wrong pattern'. But if a pattern is applied in the wrong context, then it becomes dysfunctional, destructive, counterproductive, harmful.
The question, "Why does this keep happening to me?" is not helpful either, because it implies victimhood. If something is 'happening to you', then you are not in charge (which may well be your emotional experience in such moments) but it's not the 'whole truth'. You are also a participant.
Try to ask instead::: "What is the role I am playing in these situations?"
See what comes up. Explore that role with genuine empathy and interest (rather than resistance)
Then you can try to explore further and ask::: "In what context would it be genuinely productive and desirable to play this role?"
The role I was play: I was stopped at a traffic light.
The other time I was stopped behind another car. The third time, similar, I forget the details. THIS IS the pattern - I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm not participating other than being human. Then bad things happen. That is is the pattern. I mean pattern as in energetic template that repeats, not behavior. This was what I experienced a child, so it keeps playing out. The identification of "Why does this keep happening to me" is the part to let go of for sure - it isn't personal. But the deep down part of me still concludes when such things repeat and repeat, there must be something wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with me, I know that - but the inner child does not, yet. It doesn't help if I berate her to stop believing that, I know. I could be kinder. Patients is a virtue I have been learning a long time and one I am still a beginner at. It's not innate to me at all.
It's more like psychic rna that is telling the universe what to do behind my back. Keeps giving me opportunities to see that nothing is personal. But I think probably just being kinder to the inner child will help.
I know you are less comfortable than I talking in public, but if you would like to share any of your experiences, I would gladly listen!
I'll happily share plenty of my experience in a new substack channel, starting soon::: https://veronikabondsynchronosophy.substack.com/about
Some other compounds (such as lectin, carrageenan, ulvans, and fucoidans from red, green, and brown algae) can act as biotherapeutic agents to prevent and cure COVID-19 [5].
Algae-Derived Bioactive Molecules for the Potential Treatment of SARS-CoV-2
Md. Asraful Alam,1 Roberto Parra-Saldivar,2 Muhammad Bilal,3 Chowdhury Alfi Afroze,4 Md. Nasir Ahmed,5 Hafiz M.N. Iqbal,2,* and Jingliang Xu1,*
Maria José Rodríguez-LagunasMalen Massot-Cladera, Academic Editor and Jesus Simal-Gandara, Academic Editor
Sorry, totally different topic. Lol :)
I am so touched my post landed with you and you quoted me. Thank you. That is a lot to take in. To be worthy of quoting without ego, just gratitude that yes, the words...the time...the art matters. Because we all do that here. We offer art through words and that is a vulnerable thing to do. Like singing as you have said. I believe what we have been through gives us depth to meet others who have been affected by challenges in deep ways. It expands our bandwidth regarding what we see and understand. And it is in the past. “I survived,” are powerful words. They also mean it is over (hopefully) and here we are in this moment. This amazing moment. Taking a breath. Here. Just here. And you skating in your room without skates. Because skating without the other troubled people’s interference is freedom, joy, and flight I imagine. I never got that far. But it looks like you did. I love that you photographed yourself in a skating movement. In your room. Wow! And it can take time to change patterns. Some patterns can be so painful and frustrating. But it happens, the change. And those hands do slowly come out from behind our back sometimes and say yes to life. And another thing they learn to do is say no. Or yes to this and no to that. It is all such a process.
It's funny, I think worthiness is the at the opposite of ego. Ego is compensating for believing one is unworthy or inadequate. Worthiness doesn't compare and knows the real truth: We can neither claim "egoic" credit for anything, nor are we less worthy because of it! My kid and I were talking about ego other day, and I put it to him this way as my deepest truth: The light that births everything is the same light in all. The part of us that birthed us as being that have an ego is so connected to knowing we are all that light equally that it would be silly to feel less worthy or more worthy than any other aspect exploring its journey through form. All this to day, you have such a glorious and such heartfelt and authentic sharing...I hope you can trust your power as you walk in love and sovereignty in honor the your Truth/Divinity in/as both your human self and your unlimited Self/Selfless expression of Source/Sophia/G-d/Allah!
Thank you. Worthiness is the opposite of ego. That makes a lot of sense. I am taking your words in. ❤️
<3 <3 <3