Spirals

Dolphins, Skating and Gratitude

^Empathy “Dolphin”

Acrylyic on Canvas by Alicia Kwon 2023, copyrighted

I have had multiple psychic intuitive people tell me across years: “It’s time to stop trying to fix yourself. It’s time to accept yourself.”

Yet when the patterns are still there, still manifesting hurtful things, it can be SO hard to be in a place of acceptance. Yet this is what Rumi and so many other mystics teach: When we are trampled like grapes, often at the hands of the unconsciousness of others, or when we think we are because of someone’s unconscious behavior that fits the pattern, even if in this now moment, it’s meaning is different…surrender is the only way to allow the process all the way through.

Long ago in Hawaii, I met some dolphins during a moment of similar experience. They modeled for me the sense of knowing me completely, having this super deep wisdom and empathy, yet refusing to drop their vibration to dive into my suffering. Instead they looked at me with that eye that says, “We know.” And then kept leaping into the air, arcing their backs, then twirling like aerial aquatic playing with light and dimensional frequencies of unconditioned joy.

The things we are hard on ourselves about are an opportunity to see how all of humanity has been flagellating itself and agreeing to be flagellated.

Terra Brooke just wrote an exquisite post on Worthiness. This is also a core issue that I am giving my love to in these final weeks of the old year before we start the year of the Wood Dragon on February 10th. And boy am I getting some “fun” opportunities to see where I still have places inside me that need my acceptance for where I am still traumatized.

When life is upside down, sometimes it even feels like a downward spiral. The trick is how to dive down and come back up gracefully. It’s so easy for uslightworkers who’ve taken a dive into a lot of density to either refuse to dive and avoid the dark or dive all in and forget we alwayys have wings!

When I was a figure skater, I was known within my skating community for my spiral. I had a supportive experience as far as the coaches I worked with other than the one who groomed me for a brief period of time before my mother put a stop to it. When I heard that the coaches supported Bob Young, when other young women came out about their abuse, which went much further than what happened to me, I felt so distraught. How can good people enable terrible things?

We could talk about Nazi Germany. We could talk about Ukraine - both the child trafficking and the invasion’s true motivations. We could talk about Yemen. We could talk about Palestine and how it’s the same game, different names, forms, roles. “Don’t be antisemetic. So you have to support genocide.” That makes absolutely zero cents!

The thing about a downward dive…whether sky diving, a figure skating spiral or a descent from heaven to earth, or hellish realms, whether within the earth motif or otherwise… is that it can be quite beautiful, as long as you know how to come back up from it. Your foot reaches for heaven. Your heart descends to earth. Then it learns to lift. I am a bit out of practice with my spiral. This is me doing on land yesterday. Next time, I will lift my heart more while I descend.

To any figure skaters out there, I’m sending you a water prayer of love and gratitude. May your sacred vessel be honored. May those who seek to exploit rather than honor the beauty of the body and the soul that it is in and that is in it, be removed from having a single iota of influence. May they be loved back to wholeness where they can cause no harm. And may all enabling of all forms of abuse end right now (intentional and inadvertent) and forever across all space and time. May grace bless us to bless all, without condition, including our own tender places. So be it.

Last night I was led to download a song called On The Wing by Owl City. I’m dancing to it now.

JOY TO YOU, the invincible joy that dances through storms, that changes fucked up norms!

Invincible joy that knows the way through your vulnerability AS the divinity you never stopped being.

No imperfection can take you away from your divinity within your human story. No one else’s imperfection can either. It’s just a story. Write your own way forward in a way that makes your heart SING!

From Terra Brooke

It is different from asking to be told what to do.

To listen to yourself and trust yourself,

you have to feel worthy

otherwise, how can you ever receive all those New Year’s resolutions?

You will make them and 

subconscious blocks will stop you from receiving them

self sabotage

unconscious programs

collective energy

so many things can steer your ship astray in the sea

so take the rudder

you are worthy

steer your ship towards your dreams

you want to be loved, butterfly?

then grab that rudder like the warrior you are

hold the reigns of your own chariot

So Shall It BE

your inner compass is also an aspect of God

listen to it

trust it

trust yourself

know, know DEAR ONE

that you, yes YOU, 

Are worthy

and you are loved

~ From Terra Brooke

The whole post from Terra contains gems about discernment, as well as opening to receive our worthiness.

I also want to express my gratitude to Veronika Bondfor the friendship and space holding for me personally, as well as just being able to have the dialogue about topics that many find very daunting to broach in a loving and honest way.

Check out her beautiful post on the difference between a resolution or discipline that feels stifling and authoritarian from within, and something that, with lightness, playfulness even, we can invite the inner guru to help us resolve.