These last few weeks some old themes have unearthed in my consciousness…felt in my body first, often when I sit quietly to bring presence to an experience of hurt or discomfort or when I’m lying in bed or mediating or all three. Usually all three.
I’m not good enough.
I’m not adequate.
I’m not worthy.
You are perfect just the way you are.
You are more than adequate.
You are good enough. You are made of God and water and stardust and light. How could you not be? It’s understandable you got confused, but boy are you wrong. Not trying to make you feel bad, sweet inner little one, but you sure are wrong, because you are actually a pure delight to your creator!
Not good enough.
Not adequate.
Unworthy.
I could trace the lines of the lineage but it’s not what I want to do today. I know that story. I’m more interested in what I can do from here, what story I can tell the inner aspects that still feel that way.
The words that arose were pretty much synonyms. And both arose multiple times simply from my body - words coming from my lower abdomen, appearing there, rather than from my head. The head. We can know something up there, but if it isn’t true for the body, we won’t live it. Conversely, if it’s true in the body, we had better offer it some space, some empathy and some presence to be heard, felt and allowed to shift with our compassionate witness. We don’t have to believe the lies that are trapped in our body, but we do have to feel where they are trapped in order to free the energy tied up in knots that we could use instead for flying a kite or something else that gives us joy!
I am good enough.
I am perfectly lovable just the way I am
I am more than adequate - I’ve got this covered, because my oversoul is one with God. I can do this! I surrender to divine will now! Yes, I am more than adequate because it is God who lives in me! I can do this through my connection to Source!
I am worthy - to exist, to take up space, to be alive, to prosper, to be loved, to be free!
The same is true of you! The same is true of all of us!
While I’m familiar with where the old beliefs originate; what I didn’t realize recently how much children inherited them epigenetically and energetically.
My son, for example has struggled with thinking that he is not smart. It began when he started playing chess and he compared himself to the absolute top players and developed a feeling of worthlessness. Now I could care less about chess and constantly reassured him that I wasn’t measuring his worth or value based on how well he played chess, that I value his soul and kindness and compassion so much more than his intellect. I also pointed out that he is actually quite good at chess and marshaled some substantive data to support that point. Eventually I encouraged him to take a break because he was stressing excessively about it and he agreed. Although he still struggles with being hard on himself, something cool happened today:
Today my son got back his SAT scores and he scored better than both of his parents. He would have done even better on the math but for a technicality that he did not know which button to press for a certain symbol and the monitor wasn’t allowed to tell him which button would make that symbol - all of which lost him time. But the thing that I was happiest about was that he was happy about his score.
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