Everyone has mixed feelings about what we call Thanksgiving. Even those who have ideallic families feel mixed about if they are allowed to feel that happy when others have lost someone or are alone or feel that the holiday should be focused on the atrocities that happened to the Indigenous that have been whitewashed the penultimate Colonial holiday. Some are just nervous about cooking the turkey, while others are dealing with least at least one, maybe many challenging dynamics within themselves or with another or the whole system.
I’ve seen in recent years more families choosing to let go of stressful aspects of Thanksgiving, such as choosing to eat out or get a pre-cooked turkey or Tofurky. Yet these simplifications can also lead to a sense of longing for that which is slow, that which smells of some rootedness to tradition. How do we relate to traditions that date back generations, when the origin of these traditions was tied to things that we need to come to terms with as genocide? Is there a way to hold space for acknowledgment without losing the genuine beauty of taking time to express gratitude and to bring ourselves to a table to share in food that holds a sense of togetherness?
What does it mean to hold space for Gratitude, which is a high frequency that genuinely adds sparkle to life and nourishment to Mother Earth and all our relations - while reappraising the ways in which we relate to what we have so that we can nurture non-exploitive ways of receiving and giving. Can we experience gratitude and also examine the sourcing of our goods and look at what might some ways to purchase or barter or gift economy more of our comforts, food, clothing, jewelry, gifts, chocolate, wine, decorations and health/beauty products and so forth?
For who have lost someone, whether many years ago or yesterday or within the last several months or years, are going to feel it more acutely when they are not at their place at the table.
Can we hold room for the moments when someone at the table, or over that game of whatever, needs to shed a tear or sob of fifteen minutes, while still holding abundant room for joy and laughter?
Then there is the commercialism. There will be those who are looking forward to being able to afford something they otherwise couldn’t with a Black Friday sale, and those who make them feel guilty for it with posts about capitalism and commercialism and people stampeding each other to get things when they could be at home with family or making homemade gifts that ring with love and care, or were bought locally from a friend or small business.
Can we tend to making local and homemade and direct/fair trade more available, more normative and prioritize our values to focus less on fancy tech or big screens, without judging families for whom those items really do bring them a lot of joy? Maybe an act of kindness would be to get out of line on Black Friday to let that family you have a feeling is struggling be the one to get the last big screen - or whatever.
What gifts are made in ways that honor the earth that we could choose to purchase for ourselves and our friends? What ideas do you have? I bet you’ll think of ones I haven’t yet!
What about tea or a packet of seeds or a beeswax candle for stocking stuffers instead of candy for those who still love getting stockings but are leaning into what will sooth and nourish wellbeing? Can we be in our own alignment without judging others?
Those of us who have living relatives we are estranged from will feel the holidays in an acute way that is like death without closure. I have a dead brother and two daughters who don’t talk to me and parents I don’t talk to, and I can tell you I experience far more pain over my living relatives than those who have transitioned.
Depending on the situation, may miss them and be relieved they are not at our table. We may wish for things to have gone a different way. We might grieve for what never was or what we long for to have been the reality, even if it wasn’t ever that way. If things were sometimes good, we may question ourselves. If someone else chose the estrangement, we may be wondering what they are doing, how they are doing and feel heartbroken that they don’t want to include us in their lives.
And yet, we are breathing. We are alive. We have much to be grateful for! We have beings who care for us, whether they are at our table or pets nibbling what we drop under it, or our angelic friends and guides, or our ancestors cheering us on.
The Divine Mother is always with us and has room in her heart for all her children, whether they are estranged or not, incarnated or not, human or not…all creation is in her lap, loved. Her love never fails.
For the Indigenous, Thursday is a day of mourning. It symbolizes everything terrible about the way America (named for an Italian) has exploited the friendship of the “Indians” then taken everything, had them removed from their land, slaughtered or assimilated, disconnected from family and culture and tortured with culture erasure and often sexual abuse in bordering schools, and then given token roles and stories that make it sound like we all always had a nice time together, even when the United States did all those horrible things.
What would it mean to incorporate atonement into thanksgiving and turn it into an opportunity to acknowledge the realities of how this country came to be, as well take stock of how much we have that is gained by the exploitation of others and begin to take steps to shift these dynamics, in however small ways we can to start?
Can we be grateful and seek to move into all way win dynamics that honor all in the process of the giving and receiving hoop of all life?
Can we recognize the Indigenous Nations rights to full sovereignty that is not subject to the whim and domination of the Colonializing Nations? See
and for more on the history and the call for supporting original treaty recognition, understanding how we got here and the legal underpinnings of domination.Can we let go of Colonialist guilt - after all it isn’t anyones fault for being born white in whatever colonized nation - and seek to be part of the solution, beginning with remembering that originally we were all Indigenous? Would we willing to consider ourselves first residents of Turtle Island (or whatever Indigenous Land you may be on) and second citizens of The United States, Canada, Australia, England, Wales, Ireland and on and on?
If you look up Europe 30-40,000 years ago, or 12-17,000 years ago and it’s a fascinating dive into prehistory. I live near a mound that has no historical marker and stone circles, yet ancient sites from very long ago are found in Europe, including mounds and caves, as well as as indicators of culture such as paintings that show very ancient peoples and cultures.
When we think of the witch hunts and the conquest of the Church, we can also think in terms of the erasure of European indigenous knowledge systems. How many white people wander around lost and without a story or people to belong to or a sense of who they are that is connected to the land? To recover the sacred in ourselves, I believe will help us overcome the shame and guilt of being of a race that has dominated, killed and assimilated so many simply for being more reverent and less cunning and aggressive. It happened to us first. Can we reclaim the sacred - the sovereign, loving being that is of Source that is also in this body that is of Earth, quickened by water and invigorated by the sun, breathed by the earth and air making love within our chest?
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The Wisdom of Fierce Innocence
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Even as you engage
In reflection
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The way it touches the shoreline
Its inflection
Finding ripples you did or didn’t intend
Sometimes the rules need to bend
Sometimes that which make you distinctive needs to blend
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Sway
Allow yourself to broken open
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The Invincible
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Never Dies
Other times
You need to Stand Tall
Answer the Call
Whatever may befall
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Beyond this that or neither
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You thought was death
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As You Take Your Next Step
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For the sake of all
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The electron is everywhere
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