Reflections on the new year

Pull up a cupp and stop forcing...or love yourself even if you're still forcing

I’m sipping a cup of tea - one tea bag of Holy Basil and the other of Hops. It’s a wonderfully soothing combination, that feels calm, inviting a sense of upliftment and soothing.

The last few years I opted out of New Years goals - or even intentions. I let life happen to me and through me and for me, including all the ways I fought it, surrendered to it, danced with it, co-created with it and planted seeds of joy even amidst some tremendous tribulations inwardly and outwardly.

This year, I absolutely loved

Veronika Bond

‘s post on resolving/dissolving as opposed to a sense of force. I had already received my word for the year - this year I felt led to pick one - and it’s peace.

The mantra that goes with it came to me while doing EFT with my son, who like me is more different than the average person and extra sensitive - him even more so. And like many children of his ilk, he is often a mirror for me, of that which is unconscious in me. Especially when it comes to being hard himself for things that are not his fault, yet land as his responsibility, in his own body/soul interface to transform for himself and for humanity. It’s hard for him to be in his body. It’s hard for hm to be present. Then he beats himself up that this is hard for him. The word hard. My last post was about Nia, and I remember one of the things I fell in love with about Nia is it’s about tracing your way to the joy of being alive rather than zeroing in on where it’s hard and leaning into the tension. During one training we were invited to find something we had labeled hard and see if we could find a more alive, ease and empowerment filled way to describe it or to open to that opportunity presenting itself for our ability to step into that new relationship with life. As for our relationship with life, during a Blue Belt training we were assigned to start with being in relationship with our lunch. I chose a ylang ylang rose vegan cheesecake for my lunch. Did I get something savory to along with it? I have no idea but I remember the succulence, the meltaway transcendent bliss on my tongue, suffusing me, even as I was recovering from a pretty serious chronic illness that no one in healthcare could either name or treat. After my Blue Belt I was in so much better health, even though I started out having trouble climbing stairs and having to use the bathroom every few minutes. I think it was being in that joyful relationship with life - the presence I could feel in my body through the practice of joyous movement, the mindfulness, the ylang ylang rose cheesecake.

Which brings me back to the mantra I found myself saying as I was leading my son through tapping on the fears/anxiety he feels when he looks around at the craziness of the world, at the power of the few, at all the assaults on what is good and pure, the atrocities, and the attempts to subjugate the rise of sovereignty rooted in love and unity consciousness. EFT is a practicing of providing acceptance for your current experience of life, while opening to allow those energies, thoughts and currents of e-motion to flow in more helpful, benevolent, uplifting ways. You start by accepting where your at with an affirmation, and then, after tapping through the feelings, thoughts and story you’ve been telling yourself about it, you offer yourself the gift, lightly, without forcing beyond what your consciousness can receive without resistance, a fresh opening to look at it, perceive it, play with it, integrate it in a new way.

“The light of God that is Pristine Peace within me is getting easier and easier to access and stabilize, everyday.”

Later, Veronika and I were having an exchange and in it, I realized, through my innate rebellious nature and fidelity to my own experience even when it is different than what other very smart, very awesome people may see in it, a truth I’ve been told but couldn’t feel until I owned it through my instinctual rebellion against someone I really like and respect and who without a doubt knows more than I do.

I realized I simply needed to be kind by not beating myself up for still having the problem.

Weirdly and not unexpectedly, something shifted in me rather suddenly when I simply told my inner child that it was totally okay that she still had this limiting belief that she couldn’t let go of…that it was understandable, legit and that she was fine with it. I loved her.

I think it was the first tangible moment where I accepted myself WHILE having a “problem.” Forgiveness tends to be something we do for ourselves after the thing is over. I’ve always been good at forgiving others when they stop doing the thing that was painful, no matter how awful it was. I’ve always struggled to forgive those who continue to behave in hurtful ways, for whatever reason. I know the difference between forgiving and enabling, between reconciling and letting go of a grievance to hold my heart open. I’m talking about forgiving when either we can’t set a boundary/get away and it’s still happening, or when we’ve set the boundary, the person/people/dynamic hasn’t changed - it’s still ongoing, and whether we are in the relationship or not, it still hurts, because we want it to be different than it is. I couldn’t have been more surprised to realize that this is because I’ve had no basis for it in my own relationship with myself. Surprises like this are ironic because epiphany is so different from clock knowledge - the kind that ticks predictably and has a reference point for all the ticks.

As I’ve sat, danced and ate yummy things, and noticed where I still resist the simple act of unconditional love for myself when I’m not “there yet” in terms of where I’d like to be, suddenly my actions rather than intentions started to emerge for the new year.

I want to take cold showers first thing in the morning for 30 days. I don’t want to set goals or intentions for the whole year - who knows what will happen, this year especially. I’ll take it month by month.

I want to drink more blueberry and tart cherry juice. I want to give my loving appreciation to tea, without forcing myself to give up the coffee that I love and that is a wonderful part of the dates my hubby and I often go on.

I notice that, without trying, I started doing some gentle ab exercises this morning.

I got triggered reading about something upsetting. Then I felt an addition to the mantra:

“I am easily returning to the peace that is the light of God within me. I easily turn back to the peace that has never left me, because I am that peace!”

With all my love,

AUM

Tulsi

But not Tulsi Gabbard. She is an illusion I had to let go, just like RFK.

We are our here to be the heroes, regardless of how we’ve known ourselves up until now. Saviors will not come from outside, from within us, holding our cups of steaming prayers for the power of love to become the power of peace, and the love of power to dissolve and get composted like old tea bags, alongside used coffee grinds.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36185698/

Nia