Reclaiming Innocence

Self-Love 2.0

You’ve already painted your toes (or decided not to, cause fuck everyone else’s opinion.)

It’s time for Self Love 2.0

A claiming of your innocence at a level that opens the way to allow those super uncomfortable places you’ve rejected because they weren’t safe or skillful or were rejected/judged/hurt by others - to feel your love in new ways - to be unconditional toward your own feelings and aspects that hold them, until those aspects feel okay to truly let go of them.

I’ve noticed the more I claim my innocence, the easier it is to witness the difficult or stuck places within me in ways that enhance my healing, which is really just allowing more of my Source light to flow through all the places where I felt stuck with those uncomfortable feelings I couldn’t get acceptance from others around and have finally begun to give it to myself.

Loving the uncomfortable places takes courage. It takes connecting to the heart - at least for me, it’s been as I’ve spent more time listening to my heart, asking what my heart what it wants me to know, that I’ve found myself able to hold deeper space for the belly-level stuff, where I’ve held a lot of my trauma.

I find more spaces of stillness opening up, and more spontaneity in my life.

Spontaneity and Innocence =

Inspiration!

Wonder!

Awe!

Joy!

Co-Creation with Life, no matter what!

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Unmattering the old

And breathing life into the fresh clay

You’ve formed from your Innocence

Channeling that Inspiration from God

So that your Life is the seed Pod

Of Divine Ideas

Planted

Rooting

Sprouting

Flourishing

Flowering

Opening soft

Petal by petal

Come Spring and Summer

Imbolc

Being the time of awakening that which is still beneath ground invisible

Remembering from the Indivisible

Comes the gorgeous, sacred harmonies

Of diversity

Expressing

God in a Symphony

A Unity

Uncontrived

Vivified

With Divinity

In Every drop of dew

In Every in every iota of

You

Some say a life well lived is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. I’m not sure that ratio is so static. I think inspiration gives us the impetus to commit to a self-love practice that can honor the depths of who we are at a level where we can release the blocks to our innate Creativity Flowing as a constant flow of Inspiration.

Yet it takes courage and long term commitment and resilience to to dive into the discomfort is what allows inspiration to have more than 1% of our lives. To surrender to that which requires perspiration takes inspiration and a commitment to self love. That can feel like 100% perspiration at times. Other times it’s more of an in tide and an out tide, like a dance with a cha cha cha or the spaces between contractions just before a birth.

Perspiration feels different when it happens from a place of inspiration - a place of surrender to engaging what is at hand without controlling it.

For me, as I see how my attempts to prove to myself or anyone else that I was good enough led to the very things that I wish I could have done differently. This week I felt shifts, openings, rushes for forgiveness for my parents as I saw the ways in which it was only my coping mechanisms that kept me from being the person I wanted to be at times. Theirs might have been more extreme and overtly destructive, but the root wounds and generational traumas are in some cases identical or ones that I can now understand in new ways as I explore my own journey of embracing my innocence beneath the traumas.

All that I wish I could have done better was simply a result of not being present. Objective people in my life have told me I did a really good job. My best friend in high school thought it was a miracle that I was as normal as I was, after spending only brief time with my family and seeing none of the worst of it. And I have known what it is to have life set me up so that after doing my best for a long time, I reached a limit and my best sucked. And yet, that whole time I was doing a really good job objectively and eventually failing to control myself to get myself to act as perfectly as possible, I was just trying to be good when I really already was good. The close to ideal behavior (from a relatively objective standpoint) and the less than ideal behavior - both missed the mark because it didn’t come from the love that I already was in Truth! I could have trusted my own heart, connected to the Loving Source of Me, but I didn’t. I forgive myself for that. It wasn’t even my fault.

After all, what kept me trying to control reality or prove that I was good enough was simply the underlying feeling of not believing in my own innocence, my own true goodness.

In this past couple of weeks I’ve remembered in new ways the purity of my own heart, and that has given the rough edged places within me space to arise for me to accept them too, with the same heart of unconditional love I remember feeling as a child before I was gaslighted for speaking truths that were unwelcome or for mirroring the issues of my parents back to them as certain children are destined to do by their very design. As I began to welcome more of me and to really listen - to ask what those parts want me to know or to understanding or to hear - with a true heart of love for them, I began to without effort have a broader more compassionate perspective toward those whose behavior based on their coping mechanisms reacting to these aspects triggering them in the course of being herself/myself as a kid and younger adult. None of it was anyones fault - it’s just what happened.