Tone Policing and the Om
Conversations with my son
I had this conversation with my son the other day because Lee Harris, who channels the Zs was basically saying how there are times when it is not our words that need to change, but our tone. I light-heartedly said, “The Zs are tone policing!” My son asked what is Tone Policing, so I explained it’s when someone uses how you say something about a trauma you experienced to invalidate the content of what you said. This could be about racism, but it could also be about any trauma, any time someone is upset about a legitimate thing and they aren’t expressing it with the equanimity of the Buddha. In other words, If someone’s upset and then the perpetrator or the court of public opinion uses their tone to discredit the validity of what they are saying happened, that’s tone policing. Imagine if I went to my doctor and was upset that I had not been given inform consent and I suffered a side effect of a treatment, and they dismissed me on the grounds that I was upset. That would be tone policing. So would telling a woman of color who is upset that her doctor missed an important diagnoses because of taking less time to genuinely listen and take her seriously, as happens often due to racism in health care - they try to brush her rightful complaint under the rug because they say she is overreacting. She has a right to be upset! If a Jeffrey Epstein or Russel Brand or the guy sitting in the oval office accused by Tara Read of sexual assault - or anyone else blows it off and say the woman accusing them has mental health issues and try to discredit her claims simply because she has some issues, without looking at the evidence objectively, that is tone policing. The claims are valid and worthy of unbiased investigation, no matter how upset the person making them may be, and just because someone has a mental health issue doesn’t meant their testimony is automatically unreliable, just like someone with a physical issue may still reliably get to work and perform many tasks in an able way. I had a pinched nerve when I was a teenager. That doesn’t mean I’m disabled. Even if I were disabled I would still be able in lots of ways, including ways many “normal” people not be; often those differently abled have extraordinary capacities in other areas that they innately have and/or have developed as a divinely creative way to compensate and then go beyond compensating to express uniquely. Having a mental health issue does not make someone’s accusation of rape inherently uncredible. Lots of people have lots of different issues that don’t make them write-offable.
So I believe we should look at the content of what someone is saying when they are making an allegation, and not dismiss it based on some superficial form of discrediting, including, but not limited to tone policing. There are lots of ways people with valid cases are dismissed when they shouldn’t be. May all people whose voices have been dismissed, discredited or undermined wrongfully have a voice and a fair hearing in the courts and in the court of public opinion! I have noticed that, for example, black and brown voices are not highlighted for their courage if they do not conform to certain narratives. This is an intersectionality I would like to see discussed.
May our vibration of Truth, of Love, of Compassion, Of Creativity rise above the din as the old ways dissolve and cease to work.
May innovation flourish based on Unity, Divinity, Sovereignty and Good Will Toward All.
I dream of an online space where the community guidelines insist on kindness -- yet support the expression of dissent, of diverse understandings, scientifically and otherwise. Of course balancing the freedom to vent and to clarify where we feel the problem lies, while being kind includes upgrading our collective skillfulness. Especially since we all may believe the problem lies with someone (s) or something different! I believe in soulutions. It’s harder online, but face to face, it’s easier. When souls see each other, our other identities become secondary, but not unimportant. This is where our unity can transcend our differences. I do believe we can do this if people who joined said online platform were committed to open-dialogue that respects the experiences of all and is geared toward wanting to create and amplify goodness without minimizing the trauma of what has happened for anyone who has experienced it. The goal would be amplifying soulutions. My son’s intention is this: Grassroots all-way win solutions. Grassroots can only happen when voices are invited and allowed from lots of different perspectives and experiences, to create something wonderful that arises from our shared divinity, rather than a top-down imposition.
I mentioned also to my son that I’ve always believed we should never invalidate someone’s claim based on how they say it AND tone matters. Because it is literally all there is. My son laughed because we have super deep conversations all the time, but he got it. In addition to the reality, it maybe that only 7% of communication is the actual words spoken, our whole omniverse is made of tone…fundamentally, of OM, with all our unique signatures and soul songs song as the notes and lyrics and choruses and tones that add up to life’s miraculous symphony.
This doesn’t mean we should micromanage people, especially people who have been systemically hurt, and/or have experienced a personal trauma but it does mean that it’s important to recognize sounds impacts other vibrational beings. Tone matters. So does acknowledging trauma, systemic and otherwise.
Tone is sound is vibration. Sounds weapons can kill. They can end a legitimate protest. Sound can heal. Sound can sooth. Sound can be cathartic. Sound can communicate blame or it can honor pain without doing so. Sound can invite dialogue or enemize another. Sound can clear the air. It can acknowledge pain. It can call an end to bullshit. It can energize. It can renew hope and vigor. It can bring peace, calm and stillness. Tone matters. It is all there is. The universe is one big Tone, and we all add to it’s nuances! Tone should never be used to dismiss what someone has been through or to minimize their experience or the objective claim that may be communicated in a non-ideal way.
Om shanti
Om mani padme hum
Om tare tutarre ture soha