The End Of

The Year of Receiving more Love and Living Through Seemingly Impossible Challenges

This year was indescribably difficult, as well as incredibly filled with love deeper than I thought possible and discoveries about what I am able to endure that I did not think I could. I am grateful for all the ways I have grown and for all the circumstances and experiences that have helped me grow.

In some ways, it has sucked. From other perspectives, it’s been a record year of soul success in credibly challenging terrain.

When I was young I thought of myself as a sprinter. I have been running marathon for a long time now with the things I find challenging in the energetics, as well as with living a life that is truly authentic in a world that markets authenticity within acceptable ranges the same way it markets vulnerability and oversharing but only about certain things in certain ways, or it markets women finding their voices in a strong way, but only if that strong way supports male agendas, overt or otherwise.

I have walked away from that which did not honor my soul, stayed for that which is m soul alignment.

I have processed layers of stuck energy in myself that I didn’t know I was going to get to in this life, and gone through some immense parenting challenges to arrive at the doorstep of completing the intensive aspects of parenting. I have found myself another year where being faithful to my own truths has left me often feeling very isolated, and at other times getting to experience the joyous connections that can happen when people are available for the kind of off script relating that seems to me more possible on the sidewalk or at a diner or a coffee shop than in a setting either online or in a structure group context: the man, the woman and the other woman who thanked me for chalking; the woman in her eighties who got me dancing down the sidewalk again because she said she missed it; the little girl who lives down the street who told me she didn’t know what to talk about but that she just liked being with me as we strolled down the couple of blocks between my house and hers; the two people I had deep conversations with a half block from my house yesterday, both of whom gave me hope that partisan divides don’t represent intelligent, caring people on either side: after all I talked to the man who told me is a conservative an is pro life but not anti choice; that he is a Christian but not the empire, commercialism, hater version - and the woman I know to be a deeply liberal woman into mindfulness and higher consciousness who is a lawyer by training in DC, when I told her about that, said, “Fair enough.” Both conversations were deep and thoughtful. Both people are compassionate and fairly wise and have a bit of a sense of humor - he an conservative engineer, evangelical Christian who followed me as I explained meridians and energy to him in the context of how God might interact to communicate with us, and who admitted that we really don’t know why gravity works - or actually anything at all when push comes to shove - who told me is interested in what is good for everyone, and not just the individual - and she, the liberal, who told me although she would love it if Trump were disqualified from taking office based on the 14th amendment, she also doesn’t want all the chaos she thinks would occur if his base got riled up and burned things down, and resonated with the idea of maybe we could let those committed to doing and being harmful on all sides rub each other out like the erasers in the story The pencil - whilst the rest of us practice being good, kind neighbors and loving one another right where we are. Well the two of them were on a council of Elders together, I think they would respectfully disagree on some things and agree on the value of integrity, kindness and doing what is right over what is convenient or serves the optics but not the people.

This year my word was peace and my intention was to be the light. When I look at this year, I stood for peace and I did a lot of work to create more space for inner peace. I have prayed for peace. I have shone my light on dark issues, as well as spread joy to strangers in little ways. My inner peace was deeply challenged, but I did find more of it than in the best. And although there have been unprecedented genocides in our world, every person I have talked to face to face has been against them. I can honestly say I have done my best, and I still a work in progress. It’s been a hard year. I have grown a lot. I have helped those around me grow. They have helped me grow. I have made a few people’s day and I have been as faithful as I can to the mission I have been on. I have received more love. My body has let a lot of old pain go. I’m still dancing. I’m still telling stories. I wonder if my tear ducts are depleted, but I’m still in wonder at the little things. That’s a solid year, even if not a cakewalk. I guess who wants to walk on cake, anyway.

I’m going to sit with myself until the lunar New Year to see what, if anything I want to intend beyond the prayer that all that is or was meant for harm become a symphony of Sophia Christ Consciousness birthing heavenly realities for all who want them. As I told my son, no matter what the collective does, the imprint of one life living fully, in alignment and full express and love, even amidst all the dark agendas that there are - whether you’re more worried about agenda 2025 or agenda 2030. Holographically, your life will be available to countless others for as long as time and space exist, as an example. So it’s not just about the outcomes, but about a template of hope and possibility that creates that possibility for others existing in challenging circumstances or amidst dark and oppressive modus operandi. There are entire universes that are in darkness, waiting for the light. There are beings in them that don’t want to be in darkness. The more light we shine in the darkness, the more possible we make it for those beings to open the curtains and let in the ever radiant eternal sun that has been so long blocked out. So the more light you shine when it feels the hardest, the more you are helping those who wouldn’t believe shining where possible for them, unless you did it in the seemingly impossible circumstances.

I believe the use of children for their life force is at the heart of many of these dark agendas, and it was heartening to me to be able to have a conversation with the conservative man in my predominantly liberal neighborhood about the role of grooming, the history of planned parenthood, buck v bell and the role of rape and its cover up in shaping policies that are clocked as pro-woman but are actually pro-luciferian patriarchy.

I am praying for all races, nations, tribes, children, inner children and maturing wise spiritual beings to see where we can foster innocence as well as liberation; respect that honors choices around all body decisions and that holds those who violate accountable, be they people, AI, corporations or combinations of any or all. I am praying for all communities, including Indigenous Nations to find wholeness and to co-create win-win solutions that bless all creation in harmony, while honoring each member, each aspect of the whole, truly and genuinely.

As I close out this year, I am inviting and welcoming energies and specific miracles of restoration and healing for all, including perpetrators, who often were first victims, so that they can become part of the soulution.

I am inviting welcoming into my own life light, love, bliss and self-kindness, as well as increased compassion for others, along with the continuing surrounding of my any need to control an outcome, alongside the parallel growth of my confidence as a co-creator with life.

Each year to my recent memory has seemed impossibly difficult - and I like who I am better this year than last year. I like who I am becoming through my life. I feel more worthy, more lovable, more joyful, overall than I did last year. I also learned that I am bouncy. I can be completely devastated, and somehow, if I hang in there, stay present and wait, Spirit, Source, bounces me back - a little less grape, a little more wine.

I am grateful for very kind comment from every reader here on Substack, including the people whose work I’ve shared and recommended who’ve been touched by my kindness. It is just as much a joy to receive through giving!

What is emerging for you as you journal and sit with what has been your 2024?

What have been your key, challenges, insights, blessings, losses and gains?

What are you forgiving yourself for or honing in on to become more skillful at next year?

What are you proud of yourself for doing, even though it was different, scary, new or monumentally difficult/almost impossible?

Who do you sense your future self is beckoning you to become?