Empathy and Badassery

My 21 year old daughter is visiting. It’s fall break and we are delighted to have her here. She tells us, over delicious takeout, how she is rewatching Avatar The Last Airbender and the fond memories she has of watching it with us. She and her brother and sister took the “Which Avatar Character Are You” quiz, with my 17 year-old son and 21 year-old daughter both getting “Ang,” and my 16 year-old daughter getting “Toph.” My son is actually like the Ang character in many ways. My 21 year old matches the description they gave, but she is quite different than the character. My younger daughter is a pretty darn good match for Toph. I told them I wanted to wait for their dad/my hubby for the Avatar quiz, but we could go ahead and do a Star Wars one. I told the kids that if I couldn’t pick, they could pick for me, as I am notoriously a “fail” at any type of test designed to box you in. Every inch of me screams, ‘What the F? I need context! I need more options! I need a combination of A, B & C, with a few other elements…or just flat no. I won’t press the button. I will not comply.

But a light hearted quiz is not a moral decision, and it’s my daughters phone, not mine, and if anything having a bunch of people taking the same quiz on her phone maybe will confuse her data profile for the end collator of data we often give away for free when we want to look int the mirror of our favorite characters and archetypes, or we are just curious to compare what we got to what someone else’s.

It was a long quiz and by the far what I loved about it most was the conversations we had, including this one around empathy and action. There were 5 or 6 choices for character qualities and the question was which one do you value most. I told my kids, for me, the people I truly admire embody a synergy - a blend of qualities that together make them someone incredible.

Some of the choices were patience, empathy, bravery and the ability to forgive others, and the ability to trust your own instincts. My oldest said she thinks empathy is the most important. She explained her reasoning being that if you have empathy, everything else will follow. I can understand this line of reasoning. I shared with her that my own sense of it is that certainly, if you feel empathy, you will most likely WANT to help those you feel it for…At the same time, I have seen so many beautiful souled people become who feel so overwhelmed by their empathy that they do nothing to take action to generate a different situation, or to contribute to positive change. I long ago read a book that said when it comes to change, people have believe it’s worthwhile and that it’s possible. If risk is involved, then, you must believe worthwhile includes the risk, including the possible risk of failure, along with the unknown vistas that would open up with success, including the possible loss of identity if one was over-identified with a role, such as victim, hero, empath, being the one who endures, the helper, the advocate and so on…in a world with no problems, would you be okay just being you?

If we have empathy alone, we may become paralyzed unless with pair it with qualities that balance it. Likewise, Patience without bravery may lead to tolerating abuse of oneself or systems that abuse others on a large scale. Bravery without empathy may lead to violence and “othering” in such a way that contributes to war and conquest rather than courage leading to being willing to take risks to co-create with others a world that in which all my flourish in prosperity, peace, freedom and unity consciousness built on our shared sovereign divinity, expressed in joyous and unique ways. Diversity is an expression of God, but we have so long used it to separate ourselves from one another.

Let’s stop that, please. Each of us is beautiful, sacred and capable of contributing something extraordinary to the whole. And what we ultimately contribute is a function of our journey (including the struggles,) as well as the innate imprint of God that is our soul signature, unique expression of the Divine We ARE in form, and beyond.

I was having an interesting conversation about masculine and feminine ways of operating with

Christopher Cook

and when my kids and I were discussing empathy it kind of built on a theme, because while I would never want to spend any length of time (actually 0) with a man (or anyone) without empathy, this is associated with femininity. On the other hand, I am usually bored and uncomfortable in spaces that are very high on empathy in ways that don’t include a bright focus on ideas, solutions and actions that are inspired and ideally, fun.

Ultimately I believe soulutions that resonate with empathy and also with divinely aligned action, will come from a place that transcends gender and gender norms, and also includes each of our unique composition of innate and cultivated attributes, without apology, yet purified in the space of our Truth/Love.